Lately

Its hard you know i just don't show it.I feel like a useless piece of trash because its like i don't matter at all.I get tired and frustrated and at the end i come running back when i'm needed. Isn't this enough to show the extent of how i feel?   

Update

Maybe this is just a hallow greeting through the internet but hello.Nothing much has been going on just normal college life things have been slow.Just what a normal lonely young adolesent male homosapian would go through.Exams are near and i've been studying kinda hard got to raise my cgpa back to 3.0 as i've got dreams to go overseas.If i do get a chance it will be great.The experiance would probably help me grow mentally and my poetry might mature as well.Talking about that i've been collecting my poems to publish i have a few now but i'm not sure if its any good we'll see.Well a lot as changed since the last time i wrote.I've changed.Romance wise still no luck ( i just heard as sarcastic laugher echo in my head ).That's all for now till we meet again 

Broken

Its been this way forever.It feels like a journey that never ends constantly searching from that one thing.Imagine you look up its colorful yet its cloudy and that clouds are your insecurities and you look up with hope you see colors you love they come and go like the seasons.Its been a journey for me but I've yet to find it in my case its love its always been and will be.Which kind of love you may ask ? the answer is any that makes me feel i'm actually important and special for once.Remember the colorful world i was talking about when you look around you find this floating balls of light well those are the people important to you they float along you and illuminating you on the cloudy days.Well this journey has lead me into a lot of problems some might even remain forever.I'm broken inside i'll always want someone to love me and i get jealous when someone gets close to the ones i love by that i still mean all types of love.I wonder sometimes if i will ever have partial little genetic copies of me ? if i do i want to make sure i love them with all i have and show them. Cause I've never had that all I've had is things given to me to quench the absence of love and out of guiltiness.It might all come out as desperate but there a big hole inside.Sometimes i even get tired from all the walking in that colorful world its kind of weird i don't know how to say it.At the end i just want to be loved like everyone else.I feel weak at times cause when people are kind to me my heart waivers so much cause it has never experience it before and i get to get a little attached.I wish i could make this feeling go away but it wont.

Living Diamonds

What are living diamonds you may ask ? Well that's the word that best describes my 3 dear friends.Why do i call them that? well diamonds are precious stones that glow and sparkle and always attracts your attention.Thus the analogy of the diamond.The living part of course is because their living moving weird mammals.So how about me ? I think i am the miner who goes to the mine just to look at this diamonds in admiration and without them i'm the miner who losses his sense of purpose 

Vinee!

Check me out fellow underworld dwellers !

https://vine.co/u/1165046725627584512

I deserve to be loved too right ?

Question

Its 3.20 a.m and the question running through my head is should i make a bowl of instant noodles for myself ?

Snap

With a blink of an eye the year is almost going to end.Well that sentence has nothing to do with this post tho.Since yesterday was Halloween i'll share a creepy personal experience. I was in kedah and about 8 years old when it happened.It was a rainy night and i went to bed like usual at that time i was sleeping with my dad then suddenly i saw a figure by the door with red eyes holding a scythe it was wearing a black robe like the ones dementors had on.I desperately tried to wake my dad up but my hands moved as though time had slowed down and as i was just about to touch my dad i snapped back.I was sweating profusely and all the doors were open.Till today i don't know is it a dream or it was real cause it felt so real that i can't differentiate.Maybe the grim reaper came to take my soul that day? Who know he might come again. 

Unwanted

Do you know the feeling of being unwanted? Unwanted by everyone you love? Its a terrible feeling i'll tell you that much.Lately I've been feeling this way mostly at home.Its best i avoid people i care too much and at the end i get hurt.

Night Breeze

  I roll my windows down and turn the music up as the night breeze creeps into my car

Outside i can only hear the sound of my engine blaring not a sign of life to been seen

Oh what a blissful feeling this is

i close my eyes and wish the sun would never rise so that i can forever drive in this night breeze .

Potential Couple

Potential Couple means two people that have the potential to get into a relationship.So I have two friends who might like each other but refuse to admit it well I can see they are into each other my sense is good like that.Like the other day I went out with them as we were walking I noticed they were walking side by side talking as if they were the only two people in the world.They have chemistry can't help but envy them a little bit.Recently the girl said she might have feeling for the guy but is not sure of his feelings towards her.I think he feels the same way.Lets see where this leads to.  

Words That Came To me

You can stay or give your heart to someone else cause there is always someone cold you'll love besides me.

Dilemma

There a bee in my room.I don't want to kill it might probably kill me if i got stung or if i was allergic to it but i don't know if i am never got stung by one.I guess i'm just over reacting and by the way i'm not sure if the bee is going to kill me but my mom is cause i broke her broom trying to chase it away !

Ambitions

I want to change this country not that it has something wrong with it.Its way better than most countries but it has its flaws.I want to venture into politics but i hear people saying politics is dirty.I don't think politics is its the people who are.I'll wait till i'm done with my degree after that i'll probably go into politics.I want help my country become better.

Kawan

I may not have been blessed with many things but one thing i'm blessed with is friends.Where ever i go i'm always filed with great friends who guide me.Some even have great impact on me and i consider them like my own brothers.Recently though it seems like I've been distant with them,well not only me but them too.Their are busy with their significant other which creates a wall between us and also don't want to disturb them.Feels like i'm loosing them.Or is it i'm just lonely? I've found good friends in uni too. Their a mix of personalities i like the experience. I'd like to thank you guys cause you guys helped a lot even if you don't realize it.Thanks! 

Motivation

A lot to write about but can't find the motivation 

Writing Weather

Its raining outside and its so cold i personally enjoy this weather cause it gives me the mood to write whether its a poem or a song rainy days are the best days to write.I'll just talk about some random things today.Lately I notice a lot of people being racially ignorant and it just gets on my nerves for a big part I think Malaysian are not all but many.I personally have many friends from many races and sometimes when they discriminate against each other it just makes me uncomfortable.People think its okay to use slurs but to me its not i'm kidda sensitive to this.I wish we human would stop discriminating against one another.We are after all humans just with different color due to evolution in adapting to out climates.A garden would not be beautiful if all the flowers in them were to look the same would it ? End of rant.

The World We See

Successful ? What does it me mean to be successful in this materialistic world we live in? having tons of money or owning a really good car ? I don't know really.When i ask kids younger than me about their ambitions they say its to become rich.Where the passion dude ? Money something man created yet we call it real and yet we abandon everything for in reality its still a piece of paper